Cereal for Supper: Talking About Talking
Ahhh, summertime. We have a lot of good information in this issue that can help with ideas for general summer awesomeness. Some of us even had to start thinking about plans as early as a month or two ago, so that those months have the chance of fulfilling our family’s needs. Just this morning (I’m writing this in February), my husband and I were talking about how it was time for the now driving boy to begin to look for his own summer employment. And, as things go with me and Jason, one conversation morphs into three more within the time it takes to finish one cup of coffee.
One of those conversations circled around the unsurprising topic of how different the kids are – but specifically about how challenging it is to try to helpfully parent the ones who aren’t Big Talkers. Our oldest loves to dissect, reassemble, and then categorize every bit of information in her head. Out loud. It was easy to know what she was thinking and to know how to advise her. Not so much with the next one. He’s willing to talk, and for that we’re grateful. But he’s not about to offer information without being asked. And, even then, if he’s still processing his own thoughts or developing his own plan of action, he’s not going to say much until he’s ready.
Parenting the anti-talker feels a little bit like finding your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. You know the way, mostly, but you still have to feel your way through the room. And you just pray there’s not something unexpected on the floor waiting to cause muffled agony on your unsuspecting feet. You want to know more about the child so you can help them better learn to navigate impending adulthood. But you don’t get to “turn on the lights”. You just have to feel your way around. Ours isn’t unwilling, but the timing must be right, and he’s certainly not going to over-talk the way we’ve been used to with the older sister. What we’re learning with him is that we have to develop a different sort of trust and level of faith in our kid. So, after a carefully timed, respectful (but admittedly brief) conversation with him on the way to church, Jason was able to figure out that he had plans, but he wasn’t going to start pursuing anything until after tennis season was finished. Made perfect sense.
If you have a non-talker or anti-talker, don’t give up trying to communicate with them. Having open conversation with kids is crucial these days, and having a non-talker makes it both more challenging but also much more critical. It’s not healthy for kids (or anyone) to be left feeling like they are an island. Even if they don’t regularly take advantage of the sounding board, it’s important that they know they have it.
This is where it would be super helpful to offer some clever words of wisdom about how to best handle this particular parenting paradigm. But the best I can do is to nod knowingly and tell you “Yep. We feel you.” I can assure you that you’re not alone, and that always makes me feel better. Besides, there are as many methods of parenting as there are kids; they all need their own special sauce, as it were. The bless in the mess is that the more effort you put in, the closer you’re going to feel to your kids. You already love them, and the better you know their minds and hearts, the more you’ll like them. And that is an awesome feeling.
Leah O’Gwynn Kackley lives in the Rez/“New Fannin” area with her husband, Jason, and 3 kids (when the oldest is home from college), and they attend Grace Primitive Baptist Church. She’s a homeschooling mom, photographer, and volunteer who loves her family, the beach, and chocolate. Her kids call her their “favorite goober”.
