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No, Girls, I Can’t Help You

No, Girls, I Can’t Help You

Dear precious sweet children of mine, 

Here’s the deal. On a daily basis you ask me things that I can explain, or for physical things you want me to do for you. 

You’ll ask: “Where does our TV come from?” (Roku and the cable people) or “Where is Daddy?” (At his office, otherwise known as home plate, since he’s a baseball coach). 

Then there are these, the questions that I cannot answer, nor help you to do, because they don’t make sense or are absolutely impossible for a human to do. Some examples of these are: 

“Why can’t we make the faucet water come out pink when we brush our teeth?” (I’m not Moses and can’t change that.) 

“Can you help me poop?” (Absolutely not.) 

“Will you swallow this water for me?” (Impossible.) 

“Why don’t you help me catch the pink dinosaur that lives in the backyard? His name is Dinosaur Swift!” (Just because he’s named after a singer that you and I like doesn’t mean we can befriend AN INVISIBLE DINO.) 

“Can you let me drive the car today?” (No, but one day, maybe.) 

“Can you tape my eyes open with this duct tape I found?” (No, and that’s weird.) 

“Can I write on your blog?” (If you could write more than the letters M, O, number 2 and a squiggle line, then maybe.) 

“Why won’t you let me eat 45 skittles and a package of ketchup for dinner?” (Totally gross, and I plan to eat the skittles when you go to bed with a glass of wine.) 

So see here, sweet children of mine. There are things that your precious imagination conjures up that are absolutely hilarious, strange and downright impossible, but I do love that you have a creative streak that constantly runs amuck. Often, when you ask these random questions and I look at you sorta strange, you fall out onto the floor and throw a fit because my response does not justify your dreams of our new pet dinosaur or your nightly entree’ of skittles. I’m terribly sorry about that. 

Please know that even as you get older, there are going to be things I can’tt do for you such as: 

I can’t do your homework. (I can help and advise, but I can’t DO. Sidenote: I also can’t complete your reading or science projects. I repeat, I CAN HELP but I CAN NOT DO.) 

I can’t make sure you make the team. (Whatever team that may be, I can’t make sure you are on it. Your father is a coach and I believe in the job and decisions that he makes. At the end of the day, working hard and putting in the time and effort will make the team for you, not mama.) 

I can’t protect your heart from hurt. (Because, as absolutely bad as I want to…I can’t. I’ll hurt so bad for you, but there are some things in life that are just flat-out gonna suck. Breakups and terrible friendship issues will happen, and you’ll have me to cry on, but not to prevent anything.) 

I can’t always bail you out. (There will be so many times that I do, because I love you, but know there will be times that I won’t. That’s not because I don’t want to, but because those two sturdy little independent legs will have to learn to stand on their own occasionally, and figure out a way without me. It’s a good thing to struggle sometimes, because it will make you strong and you’ll learn from mistakes.) 

At the end of the day, I love you and your strange questions and comments. I love taking a second to pause after I hear some of the things you say and think to myself: “Where the heck did that come from?” I will always love the sweet questions you ask that melt my heart, because at this moment, as I’m writing this, you’re asking me to hold you. 

And that’s something this mama can ALWAYS do. 


Lacey Noland is called many names: Mama from her 3-year-old twin daughters, “Duchess” from her husband, Coach and “Lou” as nicknamed by her sisters. From Ocean Springs, Mississippi, she is a freelance writer and also has a parenting-themed blog, “Lou Times Two.” In her spare time, she loves baseball games, painting, decorating, and spending time at the beach.

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