Daddy Talk: Ode to Spilled Drinks
It seems that we spill an inordinate amount of drinks at our house. In fact, I’ve considered renting out our home as a studio for the Bounty paper towel people. Not only would we bring in more income, but we’d already have the clean-up materials at hand. Of course, we could actually make a rule requiring everyone using lids, or even ban drinks from certain locations. But my wife and I haven’t worked up the discipline on our own to stick to such guidelines. So here I find myself simply shaking my head over all the spilled drinks and reveling in the chaos.
The dinner table is the most spilled at location. I remember a dinner a couple months ago that included each of our three kids spilling drinks at some point during the meal. And the clean-up at our dinner table is more complicated than you would think. Our farmhouse dinner table has small gaps between the wooden boards on top, so anything that’s spilled on the table eventually finds the gaps and also spills underneath the table. Another problem is that our kids do their own clean-up, and at ages 7, 5, and 3, they’re just not very good at it yet. We keep a stash of various towels in a kitchen drawer, and instead of grabbing an ultra-absorbent dish towel, my kids go for a thin decorative tea towel, which is really better for pushing the spill around than it is for cleaning anything up.
More sinister are the spills we don’t know about. I have often walked into our hallway to find a puddle of…water? (…Near the bathroom door. Is it water?) I assume that it is, and quickly clean it up before it gets tracked everywhere in the house. I have also often vacated my boys’ bedroom and soon become aware of my shoes sticking slightly to the floor. Juice? Soda? From when? I usually put those questions out of my head quickly and just get a mop. I figure the boys tried to clean it up but that the tea towel didn’t do the trick.
Most frustrating though are the spills in the car. Again, I’ve heard of families who have successfully banned drinks from their cars. Kudos to them. I’m sure their vehicles will have much higher resale values than mine will. Earlier this week, while loading up for school, I noticed all three of my kids entering my sedan’s backseat with bottles of strawberry drinking yogurt in hand. Do I even need to finish this story? In short, Isaac tried to help his little sister by momentarily grabbing her bottle from her. While doing so, he poured part of his own bottle all over his pants. As he screamed, I quickly grabbed his bottle…and inexplicably poured the rest of it down the housing for my emergency brake handle. As I screamed, my wife popped her head out of the garage and threw us a roll of Bounty paper towels. Why did I spill the rest of the drink myself? Obviously, spills are contagious, which explains why we had three at one meal previously.
By the way, if any readers know that I should not be driving a Camry with emergency brake handle housing full of strawberry drinking yogurt, I would appreciate it if they could let me know immediately.